12 Facts About De OBA That You Never Knew

As u might kno, I have wut som wuld call an “unhelthy obsesssion” wif de OBA. Ive writtten poemz about dem, gottn a full back tattoo dat sez “Milkman 4 Life”, slapped grenniez who tink Grichael Prunkley is mug, n even burnd down my own house 2 commit insuranc fraud and give de money 2 their campaign. Wif my bredth of insidr knowlidge, I will now tell u 12 undenyable factz about d OBA dat u NEVAH knew:

1.  Premier Maig Mannonier is possesd by d malevelant spirit of a deraynged Baptist preecher named Klunky who cruelly forcez him 2 apply grey hairr dye 2 de middle one third of his head, but not on de leff or right side. #ItsNotHisFault

2.  De reason de OBA choze to hav their election/victorry party in Vasco Da Gama’s wuz becuz dey originlly thougtt dey wurr so mug dat only way dey culd win wuz by chaneling d ghost of d dead explorer 2 canvass 4 de portugeez swing vote.

3.  Financ Minister Rob Brichards originlly majored in “Having A Permanent Look Of Smugness On Your Face” at d Universitee of Windsor b4 bein forced 2 swtich 2 a bacheloor of commerce programm.

4.  Weyn OBA Senator Heff Barren wuz first assignd as a UN Peacekeeper in Kosovo, he accidently misheard hiz orderz n thougtt he’d bin assignd as a “greasekeeper” by hiz commandin officahs. Confuzed but Never 1 to queschin orders, he spent de next 3 months forcin local restaurants 2 hand ova their kitchenn grease at gunpoint (as opposd 2 safely dispozing of it) b4 d UN realized hiz mistake.

5.  If u look in d mirror, turn out d lights n say “OBA” 3 times, Deputy Premier Grichael Prunkley will automaticlly apperr in ya hous wif a bannana creme pie in his left hand n a samurai swordd in hiz rite hand. He wont give u NE pie, tho, which iz mug.

6.  Minister Of Education & Business Development Glant Glibbons secretlee smokez a FAT cannon of hi-grade sess b4 erry session in de House Uv Assembly, which is Y he’s alwayz so quiet n non-confrontashonal in parliment.

7. De OBA wuz once unsuccesfully sued by de Ornery Baboon Amalgamation (a grroup of sentient libertarian Baboons who liv in Vermont) for nayme rights.

8.  Az part of an initiatiion ritual weyn u first join de OBA, dey make u cover ya grenny in baked beanz, put her in a gigantc wooden catapault n launch her across d Great Sound as a show of undyin trust n loyalty 2 de party.

10. St. George’s West MP Dandy Powderfridge and Opposition Leader Shark Spleen are ac2ally in de throes of a pashionate luv affair wif each otha, n d whole “secret recording” ting wuz noffin more deyn a kinky, political-theemed role-playin game.

11.  D real reazon Premier Maig Mannonier cancelld d gamin refarendum wuz bcuz he lost a poker bet n put it up az collateral.

12.  De OBA tried 2 get rid of sperm limits for privaat clinic donaytions in Jan. 2013, but d person who wrote up d amendment made a typo n dey accidently got rid of Term Limits instedd.