25 Mug Dings About Living in Bermuda
Ay buh!
Errday guys live and see she’s paradise arahn us and ve biez love it. Ve love waking up to de clurr skies and beautiful clurr watah. Ve see de beauty in the trees, and de sahnd of de treefrogs and irritating kiskadees. We love errding dat makes dis island Bermudaful, but we ank hurr to talk about dat dea nah… Guys chatted wif a few bredrins and hurr ah few reasons why living in Bermuda is extremely mug. Dis’hurr ank ya normal #GotoBermuda post buh
1. De Weather is mug…. and bipolar
Sers… Bermy weather has a sers identity crisis…. One day you ca dress for summer leaving somerset but she’s pouring cats, dogs, and Tucker’s Town toupees in St George’s.
Unbeweavable don! and speaking of de weather,
2. Sun Guilt is mug
Let’s be real buh, we live on an island, she’s not ah fault ya in -35 degree weather wif frostbitten corns while we post a beach pic pon de gram. just move hurr CHINGAS!”
3. Having to be a constant Tour Guide is mug
and even then guys still caunt give directions propah cuz we’ll legit watch you ride de rental past us 4-5 times
4. Not knowing which beach to go to is mug
Honestly it really depends on how much gas ya got or who has gas money
5. Seeing Tourist at ya top secret flex spot is mug
worst ding ever when you see ya spot compromised and smelling like spf45 sunblock
6. Having a weird street name is mug
7. Errwun buyin de same Clothing hurr is mug
Only ding exclusive is whatever you bring into Bermy and….
8. Shopping online only to see it dun’een ship to Bermuda is mug
better buy dat US mailbox most Bermudians have plus a US VPN because
9. Not having all de shows on Netflix or getting Apps is mug
Netflix and chill turns into Netflix and learn Espanol. Ayyy Mamacita! Que pasa?!
and even when you learn a lil spanish…
10. Not being able to pronunce Chourico is mug
11. De Traffic is mug
Especially in de west end of de iland. She’s either you catch de ferry cros de harbuh or wake up 5am to beat Paget stop lights
12. Expected to have a Beachbody all year round is mug
Give love to de winter fluff muffin top
13. Short Showers are mug
Erry Bermudian knows ya got shree point zero six minutes to get a fresh before Grenny comes bangin dahn de door about you wasting de tank water, cuz lord knows ya gotta save it for de summer drought and water ank cheap to buy!
14. De Cost of living is mug
unless ya got some Michael Douglas guap, ya dream of living balling onna island like ah A Class celebrity is ah pipe dream. Bermy is 3 TIMES de cost of living than de USA. A studio apartment starts at like 1grand a monf kiddy… Balco bill? about $300 durr, wifout de AC! Even Bermudians are dreaming of owning ah home some day, and lwe ank’een start on how groshrees cost haff ya pay cheque because…..
15. Errding is imported… so mug
Unless ya getting eggs or milk from Dunkley’s (which cost about $4) or bread made from marketplace (Still about $4) you can easily kiss $100 away and ya barely even bought anyding. And what’s even mugger?
16. De Cost of junk Food is cheaper than de Veggies, so mug
Farmer’s market or ya own garden in Bermy is de way to go, but unfortunately not errwun does which is why Bermy’s population is 75% overweight or obese.
EH-EHHN Bie! NO WAY DON! YA NOT SERS!
Ya we are, and dun’een try take care of yourself, not only is food expensive, so is de gym membership that starts at $150 a month or more…. but wha if she gets really bad? Wha ya gon do cuz...
17. Healthcare? mug
From a lil group session gus had yesterday, Average healthcare in Bermy per person is about $500-700 per month and could even go up as high as $1,500 a month for group coverage Looking for Government healthcare? ha! dat durr is $433 per month, but errdings criss buh… cuz dem ketchup chips and corn curls taste well…
18. De Nightlife is really fackin mug
Ank been out in 5 months but wanna see wha’s poppin pon Front Street? Gues Wha? She’s de same ding dat happened 5 months ago, just some new tune… you prolly ca een check de same people you hailed up 5 months ago.
And dun’een think of big concerts cuz…
19. Only having Big Concerts around Holidays is mug
Sers? and even den tickets start at probably $70 wif VIP at 350 whurr you get a section on de side near stage that guys usually hop some time during de night… but you get ya free drink and own bar tho….for $350
20. Having nothing to do is mug
Don’t take it de wrong way, she’s plenty to do in Bermy, but if ya seen de cost of living then you know to do something means coming outta de pocket. I mean, even delivery pizza for netflix and chill gon cost you $50
21. Politics is mug
Politics in Bermuda like two step siblings slapboxing over who has de better parent when both parents are having an affair while married…. or they cousins but didnt know
Speaking of cousins….
22. Dating on 24 mile island is mug
Tryna dub a girl you met in tahn or anywhurr on this island only to find out they Aunt Sheba’s bie/daugher. Nuffin more embarrassing than finding out de ding ya been hooking up shru de trees is ya family….
and if ya checking somewun dun’een forget…
23. Errwun in your business is mug
Bermudian Aunts are like de TMZ and MediaTakeout of wha’s going on de treet. Something happens at 11am? Bes’believe Aunt Sheba telling Aunt Shirley Hill and Myrtle at 11:01.
Pah!
24. Rock Fever is mug
Ya heard of cabin fever? well Bermudians get island fever and needa make dat small weekend shopping trip to new york or atl for a breather
25. Erryone Complaining hurr is mug
even in dis blog…. so mug
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