5 Times The Milkman Almost Became Premier (Before Succeeding)

So YAH dun,

Well it lookz like Grichael Prunkley is de new Premuhrr, buh. Um sayin right, is Ne1 really suprized? My Auntie Lunch-Gurtha een saw it comin, n shuss blind in bofe her eyez an half of herr toenailz!!!

BUT did u kno that De Milmkan haz made sevral otha attemps at tryin 2 become Premier in de passt? BESIDEZ de ones U herd about? Hurr’s de cold, hard truth bout Grichael Prunkley’s histoory of attemptid political coups:

1. In August 2013, Prunkley thought 2 himsellf “I want 2 Be Premuhrr, so um goin 2 drop a gurt SAFE on Maig Mannonier’s head”. 2 fulfil hiz plan, he wrote a cheque forr $300,000 made out 2 “Cash” an put it on de winshield of GP1. When Maig Mannonier walkd outta parliament at de end of de day, he saw de cheque n wuz like “Oh BRUP, dun! It’s good to be Premier!”, theyn pocketed de cheque. Prunkley proceeded 2 drop de SAFE on Yaboy’s head, but it accidentlyy bouncd off de silver streek in his hairr n landed on Home Affairs Minister Qichael Xahy, temporarly kiling him.

2. In November 2007, Prunkley knew he wuz goin 2 lose de elackshun, so he went up 2 Former Premuhrr Dr. Stewart Brown’s yard, broke down in2 tears n wuz like “PLEA-YUHS lemme me Premuhrr, Dr. Brown! I swurr I’ll do a boasty job!” Dr. Brown wuz like “No, dun. Go away.” Not relly a well thought-out plann.

3. In February 1998, Prunkley playced a irreversible Satanic cursse on hiz dairy’s millk supply that mayde N.E.1 who drank itt think he wuz de Premuhrr. “HAHA”, he thought, “Now I’ll finally get de recognition I deserve!” Unfor2nately, he got de curse wrong and it mayde erry individuual person who drank de milk think they werr de Premuhrr! From 1998-2001 (wheyn de curse expiyred), Bermuda unofishally had 61,231 Premuhrrs all at once, includin unborn baybies and touristz! Also, naw Prunkley’s soul belongz 2 de dark lordd Lucifer in de pit of eternl flamez (mugness).

4. 1 nite leading up 2 de July 2003 elackshun, Prunkley knockd out then-Opposition Leader Glant Glibbons wif a chloroform rag, took hiz clothes, stood on stilts and pretendid 2 be him durin a UBP press confrence. Hiz plan wuz 2 steal Glibbons’ identity ova time, den win de elackshun n b-come Premuhrr unda false pretenses. It wuz all goin fine until 1 of de reporterz axed him “Ay wait a minute, Poppa. If you’re Glant Gibbons, why isn’t there a gigantic spliff hangin outta ya mouf?” Chaboy wuz caught red-handid n forced 2 give up d charade.

5. In 1614, Grichael Prunkley (who cayme on de Sea Venture) wunted 2 be de Bermy’s 1st Premuhrr. Wheyn his otha shipwreck bedrens told him dat dere wuz no such ting as a Premuhrr yet, he got vexed n ran in2 de caves in whut is now known az Tom Moore’s Jungle to pout. When he wuz in de cave, an anthropomorphic stalactite naymed Matilda felt sorry 4 him n said “Ay buh, I’ll cryogeniclly freeze you until de yurr 1958, where you’ll be reborn and can start a fresh politicl career. Prunkley agreed, and now we R wurr we R today.