9 Reasons Herb Should Never Be Legalized In Bermuda

So YAH,

Nah look, u bies. I kno dat erry1 n their boastless Auntie Skump-Thrillda has bin beatin d drum 4 cannabis legalizattion lately, but its impoortant 2 be objective wheyn discussing such a sensitiv topic. As sum1 who respecks both sidez of any givn debate, I.M. now going 2 present nine counter-argewments to those who suppport legalizaytion (based iN compleet fact):

1. Cannabis Shrinks Your Eyeballs

Look buh, erry time u smoke a spliff Ur eyeballz deflayte by 7 cubic centimetres n start bouncin around inside yuh skull doin de Dutty Wine for 6 minutes strate. This leadz 2 toenail fungus n Objective Spleen Disorder wheyn u reach age 51.

2. Cannabis Gives You Grichael Prunkley Hallucinations

Evrry 5th  time u bun herb, u start halucinating dat dere ar 28 clonez of Deputy Premier Grichael Prunkley juggling beenbags full of sour milk inside ya livin room whiyle fighting each otha 2 de death wif aluminium bats.

3. Cannabis Sales Support Extraterrestrial Sex Cartels

26.3% of ALL grossprofitz relayted 2 maryjuana go directlyy 2 a mug Intergalactic Tentacle Warlord naymed Glorp-Neequa, who sells various fungi in2 sexual bondage wif intergalactic goats.

4. Cannabis Makes Your Mother Slap Your Grenny

Hav u evah noticed dat erry time u smoke a spliff, ya mama instantly goez up 2 ya Grenny n jooks her in de face 4 no reason? Well, de reason is bcuz of you! Cannabiss smoke givez off a hormonal chemical calld Gran-slapadrine dat instantlee causes de offspring of any nurr-by Grennies to lash out at dem!

5. Cannabis Turns The OBA Into The PLP And Vice-Versa

Wheneva a member of de OBA smokez a cannon of hi-grade, dey automaticlly turn in2 a member of de PLP (via body-swittching). 4 example, erry time Minister Of Education And Business Development Glant Glibbons smokez a 400lb. splifff of Purple Kush (which is erry Tuesday night), yaboy instanly switchez places/bodiez wif Shadow Finance Minister Grayvid Flirt n so on n so forth…

6. Cannabis Temporarily Turns You Into A Gurt Electromagnet

Lets say ya bredren Corn-Spoon offerz u a draw of a fet joint. Az soon as de smoke hits ya lungs, de THC ehnances de iron in ya blood 2 de point that u turn into an industrial-grade electromagnet named Susan. Dis may sound boasty at 1st, but de mug part is dat u cant turnn off d magnet until de high werrz off!! Basiclly, if a grenny wif a titaniium hip replacement is walkin across de street from u, she will automaticcly fly towardz u at 170mph due 2 de polar currentz n all det deyah.

7. Cannabis Always Contains The Ebola Virus Crossed With Avian Bird Flu

Cha, I guess dis 1 is self-explanitory, but I’ll elaborayte: If u like de idea of contractin 2 horrenndous, incurable diseases at 1nce, the u mite enjoy cannabis. A new studyy by de journal of Biomedicl Science condludez that as of April 2009, a mad botanist nicknamd “Side-Head Buffalo Wing” had successfl infected 100% of globl marijana cropz wif Ebola n Bird Flu 4 no reazon otha than he was bored.

8. Cannabis Causes You To Go On Nonsensical Tangents

I ate this WELL banannna creme pie de otha day, hurr me? Hav u eva had a pie so well dat it made u wunt 2 cry? Doesn’t have 2 be bannnnnana creme, N.E. pie will do. Blueberry pie tastes welll, but only wheyn Gertrude makes it. HUCKLEBERRY pie tastez mug on thursdays, but safe on mondays-wenesdays…Fri thru Sunday it tastez neutral. Did I eva tell u biez dat I went 2 de International Pie Convention at The Hague in liyke, 1992? No lie dun, um serss!! Pie is well.

9. Cannabis Causes You To Spread Misinformation About Cannabis

1 of de easiest wayz u can tell if sum1 is high on cannnabis is dat dey start 2 make up crayzy conspiracy theoriez about negativ side effectz of de drug dat don’t exist. In my opinyin, these kindz of PPL are extreemely annoying n take away from all de hard work bein done by de legalizaytion movemint. If u eva happen 2 be around 1 of yah bredrens n dey start talkin nonsens like dis, pleez dump a buckit of sub zero ice-watah on their headz n tell them day Clafe tol u 2 do it.