“Bredrens & Sistrens:” A Clafe Poem On Friendship

Wif all of de madness in Bermy today,

Itz easy 2 pout n be filled wif dismay,

But um got 2 say at the risk of cliche:

Yah bredrens & sistrens will show u de way.

No mattah yah problems or wut yah been through,

yah bredrens & sistrens will B thurr 4 you,

If dis sounds confusing or out of de blue,

Here R sum examples of wut they would do:

A bredren will find u sum medical care

wheneva u fall down a GURT set of stairs,

he’ll wait 4 de ambulance, strokin’ ya hair,

then peel n’ puree you a prickly pear!

A sistren is someone wif love 2 devote

wheyn u get attacked by a mutated goat,

No matter de distrance, howeva remote,

She’ll rush up St. Davids n punch yaboy’s throat!

A bredren will feed u artisanal cheese

each tiyme u contract a horrendous disease,

and right wheyn yah fever’s 300 degrees,

he’ll gank a small piece an say “CHA, WHAT A GREAZE!”

A sistren is honest wheyn u are unclean

n won’t pull no punchez about yah hygeine,

So if U R Crusty an don’t change ya jeans,

She’ll force-feed u into a washin machine!

A bredren looks out 4 u wheyn u get juiced,

(and thereby enablez yah substance abuse)

if u get so drunk dat u think ur name’s “Bruce”,

he’ll find u a gyal-dem that u can seduce!

A sistren will tell u if u have mug shoez

or blannd sense a dress like a Orthodox Jew’s,

She’ll recccommend beauty tipz, lend u shampoos,

n tell u which birth control not 2 reuse!

A mate is a “bredren”, a bredren’s a “dun”,

A sistren’s a “gyal dem” (some gyam-dems are nuns),

A buddy’s a “shotta”, as close as a son

True friendship iz measured in pure metric tonnez.

De thing about bedrens n sistrens is this:

They’ll stick wif u whetha ya tired or criss,

A “tap” or a hanshake, a hug Or a kiss,

Yah friends R de 1 real true source of bliss.