Man Loses $20 in Tawn, British Special Forces Called in

Ay buh!

So according to Shirley Bernard’s cousin Johnobie who told our close source Myrtle Jean- durr wuz anodda “money scandal” that went down closely after de $300,000 lost article went out in de City of Hamilton. Chingas! Another Scandal in town you say?! No bie nooo! - Ya don you heard right!

According to Myrtle Jean & Johnobie De Man, (who can’t be named due to legal reasons; plus Mrytle forgot de name) de person who lost de money is de Govnah’s bredrin. Oh flip!

Now we caunt agzactly go into too much detail about dem two's relationship, but we did recover de transcript of de whatsapp convo. You can see it here.

At first, we were confused and wondered about how they (De SAS) arrived in Bermuda, (and who paid). So guys sent de AYECON rep ah email who later on went to disclose that de “SAS arrived on a late British flight.” We biez didn't stop there of course! We reached out to Myrtle Jean once more to see what she heard rahn de road. She says, “Jahneils from customs had to wave em shru as they had “special permissions” to be here and were untaxed. Jahneile even told Myrtle how they brought in Nando’s for de guy they helping like… but dat ank even de worse ding… they got an island tour on a “new bus” de Ministah of TCD chartered for dem!!”

In fact, Myrtle knows for a fact, dat dem lot didn't een start looking for de $20 til about 2 days later, after numerous beach visits and photo ops wif de National Security Minister.

We asked Myrtle what she thought was so important about de $20, she went off her head and said dat as soon as dat bie got de $20 back he bought himself a gurt Dairy Milk - Eh-ehnn.