Safe Clafe: Open Letter 2 de OBA

Durr OBA,

Whats ya auntie sayin? Oh sers? Tell her 2 put sum cream on dat n call me. N E Wayz, I kno its bin a stretch since um been on de grid, but wif all de dopeyness carryin on lately, I figured it wuz time 2 chime in wif my 2 centz. I hav only 1 question: Why R U Biez So Mug?

2 even begin 2 answer dis, we need 2 first look at de Oxford Dictonary defitition of “Mug:

/ˈmUg’/

adjective

1. possessing characteristics of tiredness & general mugosity

example: "Ya Grenny’s collection of mugs is mug."

synonyms: tired, dopey, fullish, full of s@#$

Nah dat we’ve established wut de word meanz, we can safely n logiclly apply it 2 de OBA 4 a numba of reasons:

1. Michael Fahey iz determined to fully transishon in2 a Bond villian, based on bofe deed and goatee.
2. Guyz closed d recycling plant, so nah derez pure empty cans of beanz strewn arond my house dat keep givin me rare bacteerial infections.
3. I hav recurring nitemares about Jetgate whurr Craig Canoneer and Michael Dunklee R forcin me 2 watch Naythin Landow do a sensual jet-dance in a vat of jello.
4. U guyz won’t take anotha paycut for “shurred sacrifice” despite de fact that my Uncle Blumpy works 12 jobs an 382 hours per week turnin cheese curls in2 landfill forr minus $3 per hour.
5. U guyz spent $93,000 taxpaya dollarz on gettin “PLP Did It”  forehead tatoos 4 all parliamentarienz and ministerz.

I culd go on, but it’z 2 depressin, specially since I used 2 LOVE u guyz. Grant Gibbins n I ate blue cheese togetha. Silvan Richards n I watchd a bootleg copy of Fifty Shades Of Grey on repeet b4 it evenn came out. Michal Dunklee n I played jenga wif human bones erry Thursday night. Deez memoriez now seem liyke a dream.

Wut happend 2 de OBA I used 2 know? De days of Jon Swaan, Dayvid Saul, Pamella Gord...oh flep, nah mind, dat was de UBP, my bayd. De only solace i can tayke is dat u biez are a compleetly differnt party wif no remote connection to dem whatsoeva, so at least dere’s that. I guess wut um tryin to say is dat I WUNT 2 LOVE U AGAIN. GIVE ME A REAZON, PLISS. I miss wut we had… <3

Sincerly N Passhionately,

SAFE CLAFE