Tuckerz Town Residentz Demand Brown Water

So YAH

Before you lot ca say NEding, um sorry you biez.. Um bin onna soul searching tannin trip in Amurica wif Donald Trumpz aftah being awarded de role ov official toupee brusher, but um bin readin de nooze n jus had 2 come back Bermy to do sum investagative journalizm. After several bottlez ov welcum back too Bermy one ice cubed scotchz & brown water drinkz from my aceboy n a few belligerent questionz later, um found de real reason behind d #Watergate. So hur we go..

Lass week aftah professionally supergluing Donald Trumpz weave, my Clafe sense started to tingle while I itched dis juicy spot on my leg reading de local newspaper wur Crag Cannoniar wuz letting errywun know Brown Water iz only exclusively available 2 de backatown biez. Nah i said to myself,“Crag dat ank fair,” but um guessin aftah decadez ov gubmint neglect, backatown biez finally got somdin dat letz dem surpass de upperclass. Little did I know dat she wuz pure tension round odda areaz in Bermy cuz ERRYWUN wanted de brown water - incluin dem biez round Tuckerz Town

At first when Crag “Jetmate” Cannonair vouched dat de brown water wuz safe 2 drink, Tuckerz Town residentz wur ah lil reluctant 2 jump in on d new hype, but inna recent investahgative article from de AHRG, biez are lining up in demand for it. De recent study from de AHRG shows de in demand brown water iz in fact, safe to drink aftah testing water on ONE faucet in ONE residential home in Backatown. Tuckerz Town spokesperson didn’t get 2 make de evenin nooze lass time, due to de haff hour time restraint but wif ah unlimited sources I reached out n in hiz wordz, de spokespersons iz “Darnabit” n “utterly flabbergasted” dat de gubmint haz not in de lass 25 years offered residentzs in upscale areaz dis service. He (de spokesperson) understandz dat it haz only become mainstream nah possibly bcuz de highlightz ov social media, but he demandz gubmint 2 “seek rezolution” n “giv dem de brown water!” In defense, Crag Cannoniar sayz dat de water wuz “too light” ov a brown 2 offer de Tuckerz Town residentz as she’s only 2 notches below de World Health Organizayshin limitzs of unsafe water.

NEWAYZ I tried reach out to de main gubmint biez fa comments but only received a monotone press 3 fa new promise voice reply letting uz n odda residentz dat, n I quote, “Brown water will be available soon in more areaz. Please be patient az we attempt to resolve dis”

Still in Bermy, biez r askin whether Cannonair & Dunklee will reforged their premier romance 2 create alliance dat helps get bottled brown water 2errwyun.

Stay tuned you biez. Um gonna try my bess to get you lot ya own sample.

But Next Up… Potholes on Souf Shore want Equal Sizes