20 Reasons Why ah always love Bermy

Vif alla de eegrince and nonsince happnin up de hill, I figured ah try an give a lil peace of mind and resolution to regardless  ov how much wufflessness goes agwan, Bermy will always be my number one love, and these are de reasons why.

[Disclaimer] None of these are in any order, except for #1 because number one is boasty, and waal.

 

20. Front Street Mile

Nah, I know you byes are sitting hurr thinking, “Why de devul this bye likes de front Street Mile, shes so boring…” Val…. latmetellyouu buh. De Front Street mile is like some legendary urban magic of my chyllhood. Een’doe she just some byes competing to break de record,  my most enjoyable times was watching alla Bermy Corporate Mascots race dahn de steet, skylarking, tripping each other up tryna get de win. You know de Mascots men; Esso Tiger. BNTB Dragon, BPS Longtail, BELCO Bird, KBB, (memory sucks, add on if you remember….) Some ov you hammas may not have een enjoyed it, but she was crissness. Front Steet mile is a wikid part of Bermy that embraces de international stage while bringing families out to watch de kids compete and all…. Plus just like may 24th, guys axpect it to rain too..

19. Bartender’s

Who wudda thought bartender’s wudda made de list? Bye chooks! You lot dunno! Bartender’s are like de most overlooked and friendliest people on de planet, and een moreso in de “Bermuda triangle.” Whether ya going in fa a burr or two, or tryna get full hot vif de Portuguese byes aftah a Portugal game win… de bartenders are alvays durr to make sure ya straight and safe. Like forreal dun, who dun like a bartender dat knows ya usual or from time to time takes a jagerbomb to de head?

18. Bermuda Shorts

Anadda overlooked gem and constantly chastised from dem byes dat dunno de realest budmon stars run Bermuda Shorts. But, to be een more specific as to why as I started to fall in love vif de pastel colored ashy knee showcasers is simply cuz de older Bermudian generation. Latmetellyou buh, whenever um rahn bakatahn, shes always somebodies papa runnin de boastiest ganzee of bermy onna normal day. Ank gon lie, wha some byes see as old tymy, um hurr like, “cha ya boys press looks crisp.” Dem older hammas just knew how to do it. They had de right button up top, right color shorts, de socks always have durr own colourful taste vif eeda, stripes , plain navy or een sailboas and anchors… but to top off de press, is de straw hat or kangol. Um telling you buh… dem old timers are Bermy double O.G’s

17. Barbershop talk

Barbershop talk may not just be restricted to Bermy culture, but she’s wunna my fav pastimes to sit off and just listen as a bermy yout. I used to be ne dem byes who had to wait a stretch inside Scratchie’s back in de day. Ya boy was alvays busy, sometimes de line vas een out de door vif a few fellas outside on chairs playing chess and tings. One ding I alvays admire and prolly never forget  was seeing  de excitement in guys eyes when talking about a particular topic. Whether de discussion was if Boulevard vas better den  Village or politics. She’s  always a story to tell at de barbers

16. De Great Debate

Good Friday, May 24th, or Cupmatch.  Holiday or not, this will always be a never ending Bermy argument about which holiday is de best. Just like de barbershop talk, pure passion and laughter comes out vif de debate.

15. May 24th

…and vif dat said… May 24th, (which will always been known as Bermuda day) is de best holiday in my eyes. You lot can say whatever, but de whole day is just criss like. Linking vif de grandparents roadside in de mawnin fa breakfast and clapping fa 3hours, waving at ya bredrins, handing out some water, den heading town to ambush some byes camp/tent (whurr you only know 1 or 2 people) but carry on like ya family, eating up de mac n cheese while dippin in de coolah arry now and den. And lessnot forget  ya got de hottest ganzee on while wining some random ding pon de street  cuz ya full hot and de BIG SOCA truck is rollng shru…

14. Yesteryear

Smith’s, trimingham’s, fat man’s Café, green Lantern, Locals, Jack & Jill’s Knick Knack… are just some stores ah name fa now. Dey say you never miss it until it’s gone, and dey ank lied buh. I ca def go fa a greasy bacon cheeseburger onna coffee roll anna vanilla pepsi right about nah from Green Lantern

13. Manners

She’s been alotta talk about how de youngah lot are rude and what not, and ya I ank’een gon front, dem byes can be a lil hardheaded and fresh but from my travels abroad and living abroad, Bermy still tops what um seen. If you notice or not, you’ll always see some bye holding a door open for someone. Someone will always tell de bus driver “good afternoon,” and “thank you” when they get off. A stranger will always ax, “How are you?” and they will definitely stop to check up on you if ya hadda lil car trouble or just took a deck tryna show off fa de ding next door.

12. Rodent Bikes

Ong ding buh, Bermy byes will always try and top durr bredrins by havin de hottest rodent on de block. Ank nuffin like de anticipation of turning 16 and ya awreddy planned out how you gonna chrome de new V out or prolly een got parts stashed up inya yard pissing off moms while ya just counting dahn de days. Had a talk vif Pops one day, and ya boy was talking bout how his Mobylette was de hottest thing since squeeze tube mayonnaise so apparently this lil piece of ah culture has been around for a while and always will be…

11. Minibikes

Speaking of bikes, let’s talk about to pedal bikes now. Ah’know about you lot but my bredrins always thought that de bye vif de smallest pedal bike was de buddest… even if it meant ganking ya aunties nieces cousin who just went 3 pink rodent. Come Summer time, you’ll always see some young bully pedalling fa his life on some little girls bike tryna keep up vif his boys. Props to you poppa

10. Admiralty House

Fack, whurr do I start vif this one? Um one of dem lot that hates playing “Nerve” but never stopped from doing it anyway. Stung up once tryna do a one anna haff buh, swimming vif one arm to de beach so yah, um been scared of peak.  Admiratly house is like de cliff divers amusement park plus aunties host some pretty boasty bbq’s during summer too.

9. Flying Back Home

Guys may look at this like its mug, but hurr me out. She’s 2 reasons why this is on my list.

1 is de reason why I always try book window seats. Yes um like a kid staring out de window like um never seen a cloud before in my life in my life while clapping my hands all special like, but durr nuffin like seeing de island in full view for that short glimpse pon de plane. And let’s be honest, nurrly arry Bermudian sneaks a picture of it.

#2 reason is simple really. Arry time I fly back, I end up always linking vif a neighbour or bredrin I know/ went school vif. De ding about Bermudians is that we really dunno our uniqueness until we are away and we basically just come together.

8. Creampuffs

She’s pretty much self-explanatory if ya a Bermudian reading this but, lemme just say, she ank nuffin like a creampuff from de bakery rahn de curve

7. Bakatahn is never just Bakatahn

“she is from around the pond or from down in Middle Town, or up Pond Hill or UP DE Valley , or round by Aeolian Hall or round de Curve, or out by Crissons, through the Alley, or out by Frith’s Undertakers, or I go to Mr. Jacks, or they had a big fight at Green Gables last night or out by Maria Benn’s or out by Artie Black’s or I had lunch at Mrs. Bramble’s ………..tell me what area (Parish) do you think that person lived in and don’t tell me ‘Back O town’ – Oda Mallory

Nuff said.

6. Directions

Ya ever listened to a Bermudian give directions? She’s always a laff. Tourist must get so confused tryna get someplace simple. One ding ah always laugh at is de way Bermudians use old landmarks as benchmarks for directions instead of streets.

“Ya ya just head towards BTC and den take a turn up Cedar avnue and youll be right durr…”

Or something like that…

5. Crazy Ass Bus Rides

Arry bemudian hass had durr time whurr a bus was de only means of getting anywhurr, and lessbe honest, pure bus drivers dunno wha de speed limit is. . Um had pure tourist tell me how they can’t even see themselves driving dahn in bermy  and let’s just say,  If ya immune to motion sickness of de bus driver whipping de corners at like 50 miles pur hour while ya swinging back and forth like nuffin happening holding on de bars while standing up…. you must be Bermudian

4. Meeting Tourists

This one def goes vif de Cupmatch Holiday or maybe een all ov summer. Arry  year um linking some new friends from all ends of de world. Last yurr guys ended up on some Australians sailboat at NonMarinerrs taking shots of black at like 10 am or maybe it was more fun seeing de couple from Maine all excited fa winning a couple dollars in Crown & Anchor… Summer time she’s always a new story, and what makes it epic is who guys meet during it.

3. Swizzle, Swizzle and more Swizzle

Ank nobody in de world that can make Swizzle better than a local…. Bartenders may have de recipe, they may have it dahn to a science but they ank never know de Bermy instinct of pouring 3 or  10 bottles of rum  into a orange ten gallon jug and it still be legal…. Gotta love us Bermudians

2. Family

Camping, Spades, breezers, and greezes. Late summer nights, fruitpunch vif gingerburr,  Sunday get together. Hurricanes, Good Friday marbles, school sports days. Fish frys, Bingo, Nana’s cassava… There are so many things we don’t realize that we do to keep us together.  Family will always make Bermuda unique and one at de same time.

1. Fishcakes

Dun… does this really need to be broken down?  If a fish cake cant bring people together, you must be jacking up de recipe buh!

de list can go on and on but these are some of my reasonns why. Feel free to leave a comment of your own reason!