How to Survive ah Bermudian Wintah

Ay buh!

By now, you’re feeling de nip in de air. Ya prolly at some point in de lass few weekends, pulled out de winter clothes in de storage and switched from summer to winter. School uniforms have changed and even some attitudes... ya ya, you kno dem gribble non-mawnin people... cuz nah she’s even worse wif de cold. Wif dat said, hurr’s a few tips, and objects to help you survive de brutal winters of Bermuda, and by brutal we mean 68 degrees. No lie

How to:

1. Keep warm

Nah errwun looks at we biez (Bermudians) like wha gon off de rocker when we say she’s cold in Bermy as they then go on to say well it’s so-n-so  degrees in so-n-so place like she’s gon change we lots mind. Bredrin stop.

Bermy cold is like no other. Don’t argue, you’ll lose, even if she’s 75 partly cloudy – she’s cold don!

But to keep warm, erry household has some old school space heater stashed off or passed down from 4 different generations wif Grenny saying, “bie you don’t needa use to AC on de wall, dis ding still works!” – even tho they both use de lacktricity – smh granny

First note – space heaters are good to warm de corns

 2. Set up de wintah Press

Automatically, and shamefully, if not grass skirts and coconut bras, dem peoples from foreign think we wear shorts all year rahn - specifically, Bermuda Shorts - which some biez actually do, but we run dem nicely, cold kneecaps and all. No matter how awkward Bermudian businessmen look, we still run it, whether she’s 80 degrees or 40, Bermuda shorts are like de bo-bo’s (converse sneakers) of Bermudian fashion

Wif that said, if you ank wearing a nice blazer wif ya Bermy shorts, a snow jacket must be present in the current wintah wardrobe – again, no argument. You never know when ya gon have to step out in this blizzard temperature weather to get a chicken dinner for de family somewhurr or needa ride pon ya boys jitla cuz de cars in de shop. No one wants to read de headline, “Bermudian man frozen during food run” on Bernews.

And if ya riding, ya gon need de thickest gloves, a ski mask, two scarves,  a portable heater, and def need a visor unless you wanna look like you watched de part whurr Rose loses Jack in Titantic ten times over bawling ya eyes out.

3. Get rid of ah cold? Mah fix dat!

Erry kulcha has its own home remedies passed down thru de family and Bermudians have their own also. Ya got de warm water and vinegar to gurgle dat cold out ya throat when she’s sore, match me if you can leaves for de itch and so on and so forth, but errywun knows de two “go-to” medicines that wha have you set in a quickie!

Nah recently, we lots been hearing she hard to find but Buckley’s as nasty as it tastes, probably every Bermudian is familiar wif it. And if dat don’t work, you can either... one, get hot and sweat it out by exercising or steam in de shower. Or get hot de Bermudian way wif a “hot toddy” – which comes in numerous variations – but we will say some lemon, Bermudian honey, hot water,  and black Bermudian rum

4. Dun’be dry don

Not een nuffin to say here, just don’t come rahn de jawb axpecting some social mingling when you look like you had a fight wif moms flour

Eh-ehhnnn bie!

If nonnademdurr work, you can do it de easy way buh! Just call de ding ya checking to come over, grab a snuggie and do what you gotta do.

DISCLAIMER:  Bermemes will not be paying any child support from any bie that has read these tips, specifically de last paragraph